Something's Gotta Change

What is the fediverse? Most people would say that it's just social media, a place where people can run microblogging instances that all federate with each other, and where people can post cat videos, selfies, and "the weekend." But to radqueers, paraphiles, and MAPs, it's community.

It's not just the fediverse, our people use Tumblr, Twitter, Bluesky, Discord, or anything else they can not be banned immediately from, but the "pediverse" specifically has become the place where MAPs have decided to centralize the MAP movement. It gives them control over what their spaces are like, but it also offers decentralization, meaning that each instance, despite having different rules and culture, can interact with each other. It's very neat, and I like federated social media a lot, despite its problems.

The pediverse started with nnia.space, as far as I am aware. An instance started by Lecter and co for non-normative identities to exist in harmony, as long as they're not pro-c. From there, more instances popped up because some didn't like the restrictions, and some wanted to use different software. But the pediverse isn't where social media for MAPs started.

Before that was MAP Twitter, and literally any other social media platform that MAPs used. Discord being a popular one as well. But we can walk it back even further and say that the pediverse started with forums such as VoA/VirPed. And way before that, all the way back in '95, we can say it started with BoyChat, the first internet forum for childlovers.

I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I believe BoyChat started a domino effect that led to the isolation that MAPs and other radqueers experience today. BC started as a way for boylovers to communicate over the internet, but as the real world became more of a tumultuous place for them, the internet became their safehaven.

And this isn't limited to America either. Lolicon and related art in Japan was booming in the 70's and 80's, but when they had their own catastrophe (the Otaku Murderer), internet forums conveniently became a thing to hide on shortly after. Starting with forums for anime such as Neon Genesis Evangelion, kodocons would start to move online to talk about their loli and shota. There even used to be a convention dedicated to sharing shotacon doujinshi, but, along with every other trace of a culture more tolerant of minor attraction, it too disappeared as its members became scared of the climate. And to this day it's come full circle, sites like Twitter banning artists who have since had to move to fediverse sites like Baraag in order to share their kodocon artwork. And here we are again, back talking about the fediverse.

The internet isn't only a place for MAPs to find community. It's been a place for other radqueers, otherkin, fandoms, and more to come together. Which makes sense, it's an easy way to find people like you, and it makes you feel like a part of something. Sounds great, right?

But the internet as a whole, especially social media, has had some devastating effects on beings' social lives. I can be a boomer and say all we do is use our phones, but the more realistic take is that people aren't forming in-person communities as much anymore, instead relying on where its safe. People are addicted to social media algorithms, getting dopamine when they see a notification, or feeling good when the amount of strangers interested in their posts hits a certain amount of digits. And I am aware that this applies to me too, I'm not making any judgement. We're all addicted to social media and the internet and the safety it provides.

But something's gotta change.

When I started meeting people in person, it truly opened my eyes to how important community was. When I met people who had never met other radqueers before, it opened their eyes too. My entire circle of IRL friends will tell you that in-person community is the most important thing, that it saved our lives. That it's worth the danger of getting doxxed because we have people who've got each others' backs.

But the entire internet will tell you that it's better to pretend. They'll tell you you should never give any personal identifying information out. They say that your friends will never be accepting, and you have to pretend to be someone you're not around the people you know IRL for the rest of your life. It sucks, but that's just being a para, right? We want acceptance, but the fact of the matter is that everyone will always hate us, so let's just live double lives, one in person, and one on the internet. And let's get to the point where our real life isn't even real anymore, because we aren't. Let's pretend to be someone we're not, but on the internet we can be who we truly are. We can make hundreds of friends who truly know us, who like the same things we do. Let's do that. That's what I thought at one point too.

And it's not just me, I've heard tell of groups that hold meetups for dozens of MAPs across the globe. Or radqueer communities popping up on the east coast. It's not just me and Bt+, there are radqueer groups popping up everywhere. Your neighbor could be one, for all you know. But you'll never know that, because online you use a fake name and an anime profile picture, and in real life you nod along when that one friend tells you how much they hate pedophiles.

We need to stop pretending. We need to be our real selves. Living a double life isn't protection, it's turning you into a chronically online being who isn't even real in the real world. It's getting you even more addicted to social media, and even more scared of antis. People online say that it's a death sentence if you even so much as use your real name online. They act like if you get doxxed then your life is over. They've got you thinking that your neighbor is gonna kill you if they so much as see you wearing something with colors vaguely resembling the MAP flag. But it's not true.

Maybe in Florida, or Texas, or other countries like the middle east, where being gay still gets you killed. But in blue states, I am living proof that getting doxxed is not the end. Katie Cruz is living proof that getting doxxed is not a death sentence. Connor Weston is. Tom O'Caroll is. There are dozens of people out there who have been "exposed", but instead of antis showing up to their house to kill them, what they found instead was people being like "hey, I actually live near you, do you wanna meet up sometime?" At least, that's what happened to me, but I know that other people I've personally talked to who have been doxxed have experienced the same thing.

Hell, I go to the park every other week to advertise my organization Beyond the Plus, and you know what the worst thing that happened was? Someone putting down our pamphlet and walking away. Yet, we get people on Tumblr asking how we stay safe, as if just going out like this is gonna get us hatecrimed. 

Beyond the Plus has been doing wonders for the local radqueer community. I've watched multiple people who had never met other radqueers before form friend groups with each other. And Bt+ isn't even just MAPs, we have allies as well. 

My wife's whole friend group are MAP allies, even down to pro-c. Back when I worked an old job, I came out to a coworker as transrace, they were cool with it. When I told them I was a MAP their response was "cool, I have a friend who's a zoophile." I have family members who don't care, I have friends who are good allies to MAPs.

People think that MAPs are all alone, but guess what, we make up approximately 5% of the population, probably way more if you include ephebophiles. That means Seattle alone likely has 38,238 MAPs. NAMbLA had 1,000 boylovers alone, and Bt+ is already 2% there after only being active for a few months. We're your neighbors, teachers, friends, government officials. MAPs are everywhere.

Yet, antis tell us that we're all alone. That no one would accept us if they knew who we were. That they'll kill us if they figure out how. So we lurk on social media websites, hide behind masks, and pray to God that no one ever connects the dots.

Something's gotta change.

Our dependence on social media will be our downfall. Movements like Stonewall happened because gay people braved the risk of violence in order to make community. So long as we stay online and never take any chances, our movement will never succeed. We can put out all the infographics we want, argue with antis until our fingers bleed, but all the offense we put out isn't going to put us any further along. What's going to save us is real, in-person community. It's risky, but it's our jobs to make that risk as low as possible. 

The current culture of the MAP movement is opsec-based. It's encouraging people to not use their real names, not share pictures, use a VPN, use Tor, and not put themselves at risk in any way. And a lot of these are good things, you should use a VPN, you should try to be safe online, cuz when the fascists rise up, they're going to raid our servers to try and find us. But there's a point where safety becomes detrimental, because the best safety someone can have is someone else. Someone to take them in if they get kicked out, someone to give them food if they get fired and can't afford it. But the way things are, we're encouraged not to meet up with anyone, to be as private as possible. Because the low risk of getting doxxed and then also getting hatecrimed somehow outweighs the benefit of true community.

It's your choice how you want to live your life, but everyday I see people on pedi make the same mistakes I did. Thinking that the best use of our time is to stay anonymous and shit talk antis. But I know now that I was wrong, and I'm not the only one who's realized this. 

Something's gotta change, but change starts with you. I've already done my part, existing as an out and open radqueer, telling people the city I live, doing my activism to bring people together. But it's nothing if it doesn't change people's lives, and the only way that can happen is if you, reader, take that change into your own hands. Come out to your friends, you may be surprised. Tell people online where the nearest major city to you is, and do a meetup in a public place. You may make a new best friend, or even a partner.

I expect this post to do nothing. A couple people might read it and then go on about their day, but I can't just sit back and do nothing while I watch this community turn to shambles. Our culture needs to change, we need to praise people who risk it all. We shouldn't shame people who want to be private, that's their choice, but we should show people one by one how everyone here can be more open, stop living this double life, and make a change. We are never ever ever going to be recognized in society if we don't do this, it will literally be impossible for us to be seen for who we really are if we keep hiding. 

For anyone who thinks that the first step is to change public opinion, that just isn't true. People didn't become cool with gay people because of arguments, they became cool with gay people because their friends came out as gay and they saw for themselves that the stigma was bullshit. They became cool with gay people because they saw stonewall and realized how many gay people were really out there. It wasn't too long ago that gay people in America were in the exact same situation that radqueers are in now. And it didn't take much time to have things change for the better for them. If the internet existed at the time, how would that have changed the gay movement, would they have also turned to the internet for safety? We'll never know, but the reality is that they didn't have the choice, same with MAPs at the time. So they made in-person communities still, fought for their rights, and let the world know who they really were. (If you're wondering "why aren't MAPs liberated then?" The answer is because gay people pushed us out to save face. Some people are still very salty about this lol.)

That's never going to happen for us as long as we stay doing what we're doing. No one is going to save you, you have to do it yourself. And someday when all of us have in-person community, and we're being protested against, it will be our Stonewall. But only then, if something changes now.